Where's a cop when you need one?

[womb raider 940]

1st Officer: "Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?"
2nd Officer: "Who?"
1st Officer: "Janet Jackson!"
2nd Officer: "What she do, was she speeding?"
1st Officer: "Nah, she had one headlight out."

[womb raider 940]

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he is never around when you need him.


A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.


One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

[womb raider 940]

How many cop jokes are there? Just two, all the rest are true!



The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

[Schmo]

Hey Josh . . . you know that light bar that your Tomb Raider model came with . . . those lights didn't come with opaque covers right:dunno: . . . the way this law reads, those may be illegal too. Not like that would be the first thing that the popo would notice on your Jeep . . . dude you would've been pulled over for 2 hours!

[womb raider 940]

Hey Josh . . . you know that light bar that your Tomb Raider model came with . . . those lights didn't come with opaque covers right:dunno: . . . the way this law reads, those may be illegal too. Not like that would be the first thing that the popo would notice on your Jeep . . . dude you would've been pulled over for 2 hours!

I think the original TR edition came with black covers. I didnt get them with mine

[Mitch]

It's amasing that so many cars and trucks are coming from the dealers with "Driving lights" or "Fog lights" that are in-addition to the regular head lights. Add they are usually brighter than hell. The other one to watch is the lack of
"mud flap" issue. CHP is all over this one. We don't seem to get bothered much up in the high desert but I won't be surprised. I'm nervous with my half doors cause there aren't any mirrors, thinking if I get pulled over it'll start there and more on to the tinted windows, no front licecense plate,
un-covered 55w backup light, 4 uncovered KC's up front, the legally transported .45 that goes in the Jeep every trip...........

Just waiting for my turn. I would vote to hassle criminals and illegals first but thats just me.

Mitch

[SAR Jeeper]

Hey Schmo...sorry about your issue with the law. 99% of police officers are good. 99% of our population are good people. Its is unfortunate that typically what we remember and comment about are the 1%.

[Schmo]

99% of our population are good people. Its is unfortunate that typically what we remember and comment about are the 1%.

99% :dunno: I know I'm a cynical bastard, and I would, if pressed, agree that most of our population are good people . . . but certainly not 99%. Take a look around at the violence, greed, and corruption in practically every aspect of our society . . . our political system, our major corporations, our legal system, even our churches . . . hard for me to believe that it's just 1% of the population causing all of this mess.

[womb raider 940]

1 percent. Wow that is being nice. I would say closer to a third of our population is like that.

[rickashay]

Hey Joe,
Did he even check to see if they were hooked up or even worked?
Geeez Josh, been waiting for an opening for a couple cop jokes or what...good thing he didn't mention lawyers we would be here all day.

[Schmo]

Hey Joe,
Did he even check to see if they were hooked up or even worked?

Nope . . . he did walk up to the front of my Jeep, but I got the feeling he was checking to make sure I had a license plate . . . just a glance.

[SAR Jeeper]

99% :dunno: I know I'm a cynical bastard, and I would, if pressed, agree that most of our population are good people . . . but certainly not 99%. Take a look around at the violence, greed, and corruption in practically every aspect of our society . . . our political system, our major corporations, our legal system, even our churches . . . hard for me to believe that it's just 1% of the population causing all of this mess.

Just a point, not a true statistic!

[blackZZR]

A friend of mine owns a 4x4 business. He is a light fanatic, and knows the laws about them very well. Has advised me about my lights so I know what to and how to run them. Funny thing is in October he was pulled over while at a 4x4 event in Anza Borrego. The CHP officer was on the radio for over 40 minutes checking on light laws trying to write him up. He could not find a violation that would stick because my friend kept asking him the codes he was trying to write up. In the end he was written for a charge that was thrown out. Fact is most guys do not know the laws, let them write you then do a internet search, most times you can win.

[4xfiend]

One of my better friends is a CHP officer, so I don't worry too much about these kind of fix-it tickets since he or someone he works with will make sure that I fixed it before signing off the ticket.

Also, I think, for the most part, cops don't care if they lose the case or not since they're getting paid to be there regardless of the outcome, while you are most likely missing work and pay to fight it.

[maddmike]

although it sucks to get that ticket (and I would believe you on the window tint...since I know that it's true), my guess is that half of these fix-it tickets are just because the cop needs an excuse to pull you over in case you are committing some larger infraction (aka vehicle is stolen, drunk driving, outstanding warrant for arrest), and the only way to "legally" catch people in this sort of situation is to pull you over for something stupid like having a headlight out, tinted windows, whatever it is. and then if you're just a regular joe (no pun intended?)...they give you this so they don't look so useless, and waste your time.

it sucks but that's my guess on how the inside of the law works.